I have a challenging relationship with my mom. I’ve experienced a lot of trauma in my relationship with her. Even as an adult, I’ve really struggled with how to relate to her, how to be in her presence and still feel safe.
A couple weeks ago I had an Immanuel session where God was present to me in a maternal form and was holding me and comforting me in a way that I never personally received. Then recently, my mom came to me in high distress, and I found myself spontaneously putting my arms around her and hugging her. I said, “I’m so sorry this is happening.” She relaxed in my arms, calmed down, and replied, “I’m so glad I’m here. This is exactly where I need to be.”
It struck me that I finally have a way to connect with my mom. As I receive from God and my capacity for love increases, I can actually give her what I want from her. To be able to give to someone who’s been abusive toward me – that’s what I find so miraculous. It’s one thing to give to my innocent children whom I love, or give to a friend. But I was not expecting to give to someone who’s caused me so much pain. I just wasn’t expecting that I would have that heart towards her.
[a 2013 Immanuel Lifestyle student]