As a child I grew up with inadequate secure attachment and then launched myself into an
immature, traumatized ‘adulthood’. A life filled with anxiety was inevitable. I had no idea how
to obey Phil 4:4-9. Be anxious for nothing was an impossible goal.
I remember that at some point in my long healing journey, God said that he would teach me to live without anxiety. That sounded hopeful, but nothing changed for a long time. I knew I
couldn’t accomplish this on my own. I’d tried that. So, I waited. And was still anxious about
everything.
I needed to develop a secure attachment with Immanuel that stayed with me every day and
provided a resource for the guidance and comfort I needed. The core of my anxiety was feeling like I had to do life alone. A child who feels profoundly alone is terrified. And deep in my heart, I still felt alone to make life’s difficult decisions, to know what was true, to know who I was and what I was designed to do. I would second guess myself after every interaction, dread facing challenges and opportunities, obsess over making decisions, and dive into the Big Six emotions without knowing how to get out. I felt like the ‘double-minded woman’, unstable in all my ways.
Immanuel faithfully affirmed his love for me over time as I interacted with him. Once he told
me, “You’re my only Margaret” and I knew in that moment that I was uniquely cherished by
him. As my attachment grew, I began asking him for guidance whenever I felt the anxiety
spinning around in my head. When I heard from him and felt peace, I knew what to do. My
anxious inner child had a loving father she could trust and obey.
I am no longer alone to manage my life. The promise of Ps 32:8 is “I will instruct you and guide you in the way you should go. I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you.” What relief and joy. I can now practice being anxious for nothing because I’m securely attached to Immanuel, the God who is with me always.